


Oh baby, it's just your body

by minoshat



Series: Toy [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Feels, Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Smut, Unhealthy Relationships, aged-up eren
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-11
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-10-30 18:58:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10882953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minoshat/pseuds/minoshat
Summary: "It was the last time."LieLieLieLieLieLieLieLieLieLieLieLieLieHe knows.Really, he knows.But still choses to believe it anyway.





	Oh baby, it's just your body

**Author's Note:**

> Angst angst angst - just so you know!
> 
> Night musing.
> 
> It's not beta-ed - sorry for the mistakes.
> 
> Song used: LP - Other people

 

 

 

 

 

_You took us from the stars to zero_

_We had a love devout without a shred of doubt_

_We never worried 'bout other people_

_You broke the spell and wanted something else_

_Well, go fuck yourself with other people_

_Other people_

 

 

 

 

 

“Are we okay?”

 

 _What do you think?_ Levi wants to punch something, somebody, really anything would do. Cigarette. Fuck, he quitted smoking when Eren slammed the doors behind him two months ago. What was he thinking back then? What was he thinking right now? Was he even thinking at all?

 

He steps a little closer to lean on the frame of front door to his apartment staring at the man in front of him. _Are we okay?_ Echoed in his mind. Funniest/saddest thing was It’s not even that good of the question considering their situation. After all this time, was it really the best thing Eren could come up with? Apparently yes, because the silence continued and the man was still staring back at him. Waiting. Pleading silently. Not apologising. At least that was obvious. Levi bit his lower lip in attempt to hide the hurricane of nothingness that was forming in his mind. Eren was his ultimate weakness. Logic was just one of the first casualties out of many – his own heart already added to the list.

 

Oh fuck, those puppy green eyes, soft full lips, and messy brown hair. He was standing in his black jeans (Levi’s favourite) and simple t-shirt, yet he was astonishing. Eren was not in the view, he was _the view._ It was seriously not fair. And the worst was that it was not even the best part of his charms.

 

Levi sighed deeply. It was pointless to drag silence more, when answer was always the same.

 

“Yes, we are.” He eventually admits taking step back to let Eren in, but not enough to let him pass without touching him.

 

_CowardCowardCowardCowardCowardCowardCowardCowardCowardCowardCoward_

Was it courage to let him in or to let him go? He asked himself for a thousand time try to justify his own choices.

 

Eren’s lips gave him this soft, relieved smile and reality melted a little. Levi let those strong arms hold him while his mind was still miles away.

 

Eren came back.  It’s not the surprise. He always does.

 

And like always Levi opened the door convincing himself he was not relieved hearing the bell.

 

And he forgives. Not forgets. Never forgets. But lets him in, like nothing happened. Pretending the vase was still intact when they were already dancing on the broken glass.

 

That’s how their story goes.

 

It’s stupid thinking about this over and over again. Levi knows that. He is not delusional or at least not _that_ delusional. He knew it from the beginning he was not to be loved, not in a way normal people would be, he was unloved and unloving, he always was. He was cold person, he was meant to be left alone. Loneliness was his second skin, fitted him perfectly. Only then Eren came to his life with a bouquet of sunflowers in his hand and Levi dared to hope he would stay.

 

And for short hopeful moment he did.

 

Then he didn’t.

 

Still Eren comes back. And with each comeback part of Levi wants him to stop, to not come, to disappear forever, to let go of him and leave him all alone. Sometimes he wonders if that would hurt less. Sometimes he doesn’t want to think at all.

 

Levi closes his eyes inhaling deeply Eren’s scent. There it was, sweet, salty, warm, just like summer. If they could only stay like this. Like this all past could be overlooked. Nothing else mattered, just they intertwined fingers, shared hot of their bodies, longing in their eyes.

 

 

He feels warm kisses spreading on the back of his neck, sweet small pecks, little late apologising letters. He let them to be put over his body. Feeling warmer with each and every single one of them. Not letting himself drown too much in them, he shuts the door behind saving them some privacy. It was always better than shouting. Better than silence. Better than seeing him leaving.

 

Eren’s fingers are drawing labyrinths onto his back, lips slowly conquering inches of undressed skin. Sensation so good it burns him from the inside. Oh god. He missed it. He tucks his head back to make more room for them. To let them shower him. Such a pleasure  fantasy to be covered in them from toes to head. To have Eren’s lips on every inch of his skin. To melt under the touch. To stop existing all along.

 

“Bedroom?” He hears Eren’s deep, breathless voice. He didn’t really have to ask. They both perfectly knew the script by now. Every action, every kiss, every motion of their bodies. They were dancing like this for few years by now.  

 

Levi nods slowly letting himself to be dragged to his own bedroom feeling Eren’s hands wandering on his back, tugging up his shirt. He throws it on the floor without hesitation, Eren’s following after.

 

Levi takes a moment to stare at Eren’s exposed body so perfectly shaped. Muscles stretching in anticipation, sun kissed skin…

 

Levi finally kisses back, catching Eren’s mouth with his own. There is no gentleness in it, no waiting. He tugs on his hair and deepens the kiss feeling Eren’s hesitation. He doesn’t back down only grip his jaw between his hands and clash their tongues together.

 

He kisses like it’s the last time.

 

He kisses because words were never their strong suit.

 

He kisses strongly hoping his kiss will be better, will be more memorable, will be good enough to erase anyone else from Eren’s mind. Will be good enough to make him stay.

 

He then proceeds to go down marking Eren’s jaw.

_Don’t look at any one else._

 

He bites the skin on his neck rewarding himself with a frantic moan escaping Eren’s mouth.

_Don’t want anyone else._

 

With force he is pushing Eren’s on the bed watching him sinking in the sheets.

 

_Only me._

 

His eyes full of passion, his lips swollen from kissing, Levi’s hands on both sides of his head. So perfect. So beautiful. So deceptively innocent.

 

_Feel me._

 

Levi sits on Eren taking his hips between his own, topping him in every possible way, still feeling like he’s the one submitting. Always in the losing position. He moves his hips causing both of them to feel the friction of pleasure. And anger boils in him. Anger that is always there, covering the hurt, because for Levi admitting that he was hurt would mean he trusted somebody enough to let them deceive him, that he made fool of himself, that he could be broken, and he can’t allow that.  Before proceeding any further Levi leans down only breaths away from Eren’s already parted lips placing hands on his long exposed neck his thumbs bruising lightly soft skin causing Eren to cough a little but after he lets Levi continue whatever he attempted to do. Why are you trusting me like this? Why won’t you say anything? Why are you looking at me like this? I know you best, right, that’s why you are here. Because I know your ugly and still let you in. But, can you see mine?

 

_See me._

 

_Only me._

_Repair the broken._

_Be like this only with me._

He feels Eren’s warm hand on his cheek whipping away single tear. He stares at those green warm eyes and maybe they see him for what he is, perhaps see him better than he will be ever able to look at himself.

 

_Please._

Eren frees himself from Levi’s grip gently pushing his hands away only to kiss Levi’s knuckles one by one.

 

_Forgive me._

 

Levi closes his eyes sinking deeply into Eren’s warm, spread arms.

In those arms world was turning into a whisper.

Slowly undersing, tasting each other’s skin, pushing pleasure to the limits, Levi closes his his eyes. He’s ready.

For a moment Levi’s body is mixing with Eren’s and he is no longer himself. He is no longer that man from the minutes ago, waiting, wondering, missing. He is complete. Loneliness and doubts casted in the shadows, disappearing in the night’s desires, waiting to reappear in the morning.

 

“Levi, come closer…”

 

And Levi wants to ask how can he come closer, when they are already mixed together, how is it possible to be closer, when he gave him all yet for Eren something was always missing. Something that Levi couldn’t give him. It was painfully obvious that for Levi, Eren was the missing piece. For Eren, Levi was unmatched puzzle that covered most, but not the whole picture.

 

That’s why Eren was not his.

 

His breathe stills, as the cold truth sink in.

 

_Won’t ever be._

 

Because Levi was lacking. Because he couldn’t give him what he wanted. He didn’t even know what was it that Eren wanted so badly.

 

“Come… closer to me.”

 

Another movement of his hips. Orgasmic look. Frantic motion of hands.

 

“I’m here.” Levi lets out coming. Desperately wanting for it to be enough.

 

Left breathless they lay still on the bed.

 

“I love you.” Words are easily leaving Eren’s lips.

 

_Don’tsayitDon’tsayitDon’tsayitDon’tsayitDon’tsayitDon’tsayitDon’tsayitDon’tsayitDon’tsayit_

 

“I know.”

 

“It was the last time.”

 

_Nononononononononononononoononononononononononononononononononono_

 

“I promise.”

 

_ShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShitShit_

 

“It’s okay.” Levi hears his own voice.

 

i _t’snotit’snotit’snotit’snotit’snotit’snotit’snotit’snotit’snotit’snotit’snotit’snotit’snotit’snotit’snot_

 

Eren holds him closer. Breathe tickling Levi’s neck.

 

“Let’s stay like this.”

 

So Levi doesn’t move, even though every part of him wants to take a shower. After a moment he realises he is holding Eren just as tight. Maybe tighter.

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

_Fuck you baby, thank you babe, darling_

_Don't explain, don't explain_

_Fuck you baby, thank you babe, darling_

_Don't explain, don't explain_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**3 weeks later**

  


 

 

Levi stands in front of his building smoking cigarette.

 

Night is cold, but he can feel spring coming. Flowers already preparing to blossom. He inhales deeply checking his phone.

 

5 unread msgs and 10 unanswered calls.

 

And familiar car parked just few meters from him with backseat full of their best memories.

 

Slowly, taking one step at time he climbs his way to the apartment. Shadows crawling along with him. He is not surprised to see the person waiting in front of his door.

 

“Levi.” Voice soft, familiar, still making his heart skip a beat. He is not slowing down walking directly to his doors.

 

“I called, but you never answered.”

 

Levi is concentrating on opening door. He is not going to look at those green eyes. He just wants to open those damn doors.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

_No,you’renotNo,you’renotNo,you’renotNo,you’renotNo,you’renotNo,you’renotNo…_

_Are you?_

 

Keys drops from his hands. Fuck. Why are his hands trembling? It’s not the first time Eren is here, it’s not like it’s the first time he came back, it’s not the first time he hurt him, but…

Ah, he realised, It’s the first time Eren apologised. He blinked few times not being able to see the keys as floor seemed to turn into the moving sea.

 

“Levi, look at me.”

 

And he does.

 

“Will you forgive me?”

 

_nonononononoononononononononononononoonononononononononononoonooooooooooo_

 

“Do you want me to?”

 

And seeing Eren’s somehow trapped look he realises Eren doesn’t want him to. They are trapped in this love, game, whatever they were.

They lost, but they can’t seem to stop playing. Waiting for someone to call the quits. But it’s not happening.

 

“I love you.” Eren whispers staring defeated at the floor.

 

stopitstopitstopitstopitstopitstopitstopitstopitstopitstopitstopitstopitstopitstopitstopitSTOP

 

Levi nods slowly picking up keys and finally opening the door.

 

“It was all a mistake.”

 

ithurtsithurtsithurtsithurtsithurtsithurtsithurtsithurtsithurtsithurtsithurtsithurtsithurtsithurtsithurts

 

“I don’t care.” He doesn’t look at Eren. He doesn’t look at anything in particular. He doesn’t feel anything. He wishes not to feel anything.

 

Levi goes in leaving door open behind him.

 

“It’s the last time.”

 

lielielielielielielielielieliellielielielielielielielielielielielielielielielielielielielielielielielielielielielieLIE

 

He knows.

Really, he knows.

But still choses to believe it anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

  
  
  
  
_Oh, baby it's just your body_

_Go, let in everybody_

_They won't be there when you're sorry_

_Other people_

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading
> 
> Reviews and Kudos are love!


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